Why I Bottle My Emotions (And What It’s Cost Me)

A few weeks ago, my therapist said something that cracked me open.

“Your funnel is upside down.”

At first, I didn’t get it. It sounded like therapy-speak. But the more we talked, the more it made uncomfortable, undeniable sense.

The Funnel Metaphor That Changed Everything

A funnel is designed to take in something messy and channel it—slowly, smoothly—into something manageable.

That’s how emotions are supposed to work:
You feel them.
You name them.
You let them move through.

But if that funnel is upside down, you’re trying to force all of your emotions—anger, sadness, fear, frustration—into a tiny, clogged opening. Nothing moves. Everything backs up. Eventually, it overflows.

That’s me.

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The Cost of Holding It In

I’ve always thought of myself as emotionally aware. But what I’ve realized is that awareness isn’t the same as expression.
I know when something’s off. I just don’t always know how to talk about it.

When I’m alone, I don’t notice it as much. I can take space, avoid confrontation, disappear if I need to.

But in a relationship—especially when you live together—there’s no disappearing. The energy stacks. And when I can’t process things in real-time, I either shut down or explode. Not always dramatically, but subtly—through impatience, overthinking, or chasing distractions.

My therapist called this emotional suppression. And he’s right.
Holding it in hasn’t made me stronger.
It’s made me distant.
Disconnected.
Exhausted.

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Alexithymia: When You Don’t Have the Words

There’s a term I came across in this conversation—alexithymia. It describes people who struggle to name or express what they feel. Not because they don’t feel deeply—but because they never learned the language to describe it.

That hit home for me.

I’m not saying I have it, but it explains a lot about why I’ve always needed to write, create, or make something to feel seen.
But art can’t always hold your relationships together.
Sometimes you have to speak. Out loud. To someone else.
And that’s what I’m learning to do—imperfectly.

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So What Now?

I’m trying to flip the funnel back the right way.

Not by becoming emotionally perfect, but by letting things move as they come. Sometimes it’s crying. Sometimes it’s writing. Sometimes it’s just pausing and saying, “I’m not okay right now.”

It’s messy. But it’s honest.
And I’ve learned something powerful:
Honesty doesn’t ruin everything. Holding it in does.

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Watch the Full Video

If this resonated with you, I made a video about it. It’s one of the most personal I’ve done in a while.

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Tools for Creators Who Feel Everything

If you’re a creative entrepreneur like me—building a life around your art while learning to feel your way through it—I’ve created a few tools that might help:

• 📸 Free Real Estate Photo & Video Gear Guide
• 🧰 Paid Products: Lightroom Presets, Client Workflow Systems, and Pricing Guides
• 💬 1:1 Strategy Sessions for Creators & Artists

These are tools I wish I had when I started.

Thanks for reading.
We’re all learning.
We’re all growing.