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It’s Time To Cheat On My Couch

by Cole
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I’m sorry buddy, but I need to move on.

My couch is special. It isn’t just any couch. It is a special piece of my journey through pain, confusion, gluttony, sex, hustle, and everything in between.

It’s the place I watch the world try to navigate a pandemic while I eat breakfast. It’s where I nap because my failsafe of “extra coffee to hustle more” has failed, and now I must sleep. It’s where I toss popcorn in the air and catch almost every single one to impress my girlfriend. (It steals some kernels too.)

It’s where I slump down after a long day’s work. It’s where I hop onto with excitement to watch the season finale of Dexter. It’s where practically all meals are eaten because I don’t even know what dining tables are. And it’s where I slowly lie down while promising I will get up and actually GO TO MY BED. But then, I fall asleep.

It’s where I wake up, usually in annoyance, because I didn’t have the discipline to go to bed, and now my back freaking hurts.

I’m 28. I’m an entrepreneur and artist who truly embraced the GaryVee hustle mentality at 23 and never looked back. But I’m taking a stand.

Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

I’m so tired of not being healthy. I’m so tired of thinking I must hustle all the time to get ahead. I’m tired of not prioritizing food, rest, and play. Maybe I’m just approaching 30. Or maybe…I’m just tired.

I’m ready to work smarter, not harder. To do the big boy things like “Fengshui” my apartment and create a haven in my bedroom that promotes sleep/getting jiggy with it. I want to eat foods that make me feel good, not chug Monsters just to get an extra 15 minutes of work done.

Life goes by whether we are healthy and rested or not. Life doesn’t care about that stuff. You’ll still get older. Sag a little more and gain an extra few pounds a year until you scream:

“I’M TIRED!!! COUCH, I’M CHEATING ON YOU!!”

I’ve worked hard enough, and chances are that you have too. I don’t care what the “wanna-be” hustlers say. GaryVee even prioritizes rest and health. He knows its value, and 2022 is the year that I implement that knowledge into my routine.

You’ll find me between 9:30 PM and 11 PM taking the stand of courage and stumbling slowly towards my bedroom, blanket in hand. No matter how loud the couch screams and asks me to stay. No matter how tempting the curves of the cushions may be. Or the lulls of Dexter in the background.

I am making my way to BED. Snooze ya looze.

Photo by Aleksandar Cvetanovic on Unsplash

Sleep paralysis (plural: sleep paralyses) is a state, during waking up or falling asleep, in which a person is aware but unable to move or speak.

On a more serious note, I used to work so much and drink so much coffee that a lot of nights would result in sleep paralysis. I would wake up on my couch usually unable to move and feeling like I was being possessed by the demons from my Grandma’s house. Turns out that caffeine and computer screens before bed can cause it. Took me a while to figure that one out.

As I’ve started to slowly change my habits, I’ve noticed a huge change in mood, intimacy, and productivity when my girlfriend and I transition to the bedroom. I think for most it’s fairly obvious why a good night’s rest in a comfortable bed, barely any lights and no blaring TV is great for your mood and productivity the next day.

What may not be so obvious is the connection you lose when you’re not sleeping with your partner, cuddling, or just feeling their presence next to you. When I fall asleep on the couch, I almost always feel alone. Not always in a sad way, but every night I sleep on that thing, it’s a night I don’t get to feel closer to my partner. That sucks. And it’s not worth it. Ever.

Proper sleep and rest in 2022 is a move forward and up for me. It’s necessary for me to reach the next level of being human. Some never reach it, but I’m determined and focused.

Rest will be mine. Couch, I’m out of here.

Bye baby.

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